Taking Back My Corner on the Internet

A while back, I first posted what my blog title and tagline mean. I always wanted my blog to be a bank of my reflections, a space where I can express myself without being interrupted, which is always the case whenever I talk with somebody (except for my SO, who seems to wait for a few seconds after I stop talking before he replies, which I find endearing).

However, one big obstacle in running a personal blog is how to make it appealing to others while still using your own experience and thoughts as fodder for your posts. I mean, this is no longer the early 2000s when online journaling was popular and everybody was interested in what everybody is up to. Now, the Internet has spared a small percentage of bloggers who can still pull this off; the rest of us now seek our audience on Twitter and Facebook. I, however, am staying in WordPress, where there are many personal bloggers who are doing well.

Another thing I’m struggling with, though, is accepting my story, all the decisions I made, and all the events I’ve encountered that led me to who I am and where I am today. Because here’s one big disclaimer: my life is boring. I know this fact and I am trying to accept it, and I also know how this came to be. So why am I still adamant about putting up a personal blog, when I can barely find time to write and I don’t even have a good enough topic to write about? Well, I have one reason:

My life is not over. I don’t think it has even begun yet. I am in my 20s, I should have more control over my life by now. I have the power to make it more interesting. And I thought writing about my journey towards interestingness can resonate to those who also feel stuck. This may be my writing space, but I am hoping to be read and to engage in conversation with other people, too.

I hope you join me on this venture and share your thoughts on whatever I post, even if it’s bad–even if it’s so terrible that your comment might make me quit blogging for good. I promise I will make this worthwhile.

Let me hear your story

What made you start blogging? How long ago was it? Do your motivations back then still drive you to keep your blog alive?

MOTIVATION MONDAY: Give All You Have to Life

Quote taken from Goodreads. Photo taken from Unsplash. Edited using Canva.
Quote taken from Goodreads. Photo taken from Unsplash. Edited using Canva.

Some of us are optimistic that we will have a good week ahead. But there are others who are worried about the challenges they will face this week, whether it’s exams (like my brother), a huge meeting at work, or something else they have been worked up about. Whichever category you belong to, give it your best shot; don’t hold back. Good luck, and I hope you all have an amazing week.

MOTIVATION MONDAY: Live your life, or live to repent it

Quote from Goodreads. Photo from Unsplash. Designed using Canva.
Quote from Goodreads. Photo from Unsplash. Designed using Canva.

In the 21st century, nobody–neither man or woman–has an excuse from finding their happiness. This week, start that project that has been on your mind for a while now; go where you have always wanted to go; do not be afraid to ask for what you want. There is no promise of next month, next week, not even tomorrow, so start living.

HOW ABOUT YOU: What are you going to start this week?

MOTIVATION MONDAY: Two Ways Of Spreading Light

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that receives it.

I saw this quote on Facebook once. I forgot who posted it, but what I remember was the comment she added. It was something like: “Let’s all choose to be the candle!”

While it’s awesome to be the source of light (or kindness, or creative ideas, or delicious recipes), what’s wrong with being a mirror? What’s wrong with being a metaphorical mirror, when it helps spread the light, whether it’s emulating the acts of kindness you have seen, supporting the creative ideas you have heard,  or trying out the delicious recipes you have found and sharing what you made with others?

It’s great to aspire to become a leader, we are all encouraged to dream big. But what if you’re not there yet? Are you going to give up? Are you going to stop trying? Are you going to try putting out the light just because it didn’t come from you?

Remember that there is always another path to get to where you want to be. I believe that we are all destined to be leaders, but in different ways that we may not expect or imagine. So when you feel unfulfilled, try to reframe your mindset and ask yourself:

How am I spreading the light today?

What I Wanted To Be When I Grow Up vs. What I Am Now That I Have Grown Up, Part 2

I went to college with the dream of one day becoming a CEO. To make my dream into a goal, I drafted my planned career path:

  1. Become an account executive, preferably for an advertising firm;
  2. Get promoted to supervisory/managerial position;
  3. Get promoted to directory position; and finally,
  4. Become a CEO.

However, because I did not do as well in school as I should, I could not get a job for the account executive position without any prior experience. After six months of fruitless applications, I decided to widen my search. That was when I landed my first job as a web copywriter for an e-commerce company.

While this position was under the company’s marketing department, its job description was not as “social” as an account executive’s. Also, we were not expected to dress up and wear high heels or anything, which was a bummer. But I still accepted the job offer because:

  1. After being jobless for six months I was desperate to start working; and,
  2. The pay was pretty high for a fresh graduate.

Overall, my experience at my first job was much better than I thought. On my first day, I gathered my courage to introduce myself to another new girl, and we became office best friends. She is still one of my closest friends today. I also adapted to the workload pretty quickly. It was there that I learned I can write 2,000 words per day. Our office encouraged a fun working environment–there was a game room where we can watch TV, play XBOX and foosball, or just lounge on the comfy chairs. Often after our lunch break, I and some of my teammates would head there to play a round or three of foosball. Our boss did not mind if we take long or frequent breaks as long as we reach our weekly quota. We also had company- and department-wide events such as scavenger hunts, karaoke nights, and parties.

Still, I have not given up on my dream of getting on top of the corporate ladder. After 4 months , I started to get bored with my job. Writing about cars and car parts for 8 to 9 hours got me wishing to be on lunch meetings, sending and receiving important emails, basically anything else other than writing my fifth article on how to troubleshoot your Toyota HiLux.

Before I got the chance to leave on my own terms, however, we received bad news: the company suffered some huge losses because of inventory that weren’t sold. In order to make up for it, they had to lay off almost a majority of their workforce.

All I felt that day was confusion and shock–I had no idea what happened, everything was a blur, and I wasn’t sure what to do next. Even though I was thinking about finding a new job, I wanted to take my time searching. After all, I loved that company’s environment and culture. I wanted to find another company that is similar to them–minus the massive turnovers and layoffs.

After getting home, explaining to my parents what happened, and getting a good night’s rest, I came up with a plan. All I could think of during that time was I did not want to be jobless for 6 months AGAIN. So I sent out applications more often and more diligently, but this time I focused on sales and marketing job openings. In less than a month, I got a job offer for a marketing assistant position at a small systems integrator company.

Getting back on track

Despite wanting to accept the job offer on the spot, there were two things that concerned me:

  1. When I sent them my CV I expressed interest in the account management position. However, because of my lack of experience in the field as well as the urgency of the position, they asked if I would like to take the marketing assistant role instead. Because the marketing assistant worked closely with the account managers anyway, I figured that this would be a stepping stone to learn the ropes about sales and other stuff expected from my desired position.
  2. The salary they offered me was significantly lower than my first. But that wasn’t a big deal to me back then. As a fresh graduate, learning came first to me before earning. What mattered most to me was that I will finally be able to pursue my dream.

My first month as a marketing assistant filled me with adrenaline rush and I loved it. I got to do different stuff every day, compared to my first job where I just wrote articles 5 days a week. Also, I did not just stay in the office, we also conducted meetings elsewhere and went to trade shows. I also got to go out of town to assist in a training we gave to one of our clients. Soon I was assigned more tasks such as channel sales and bidding for new projects. When our marketing associate left the company, I was given her responsibilities as well.

After a month of working solo in the marketing department, I started feeling spent and demotivated. By that time I was already working in that company for 10 months, but I never got a reassignment to become an account manager, a pay raise, or even a promotion to regular employment, which would entitle me to enjoy company benefits. Feeling taken advantage of, I resolved that if I don’t get a promotion or a raise within a month, I would quit. A day before the month was up, however, I was given both a raise and a promotion to regular employment.

Still, I wasn’t as happy with my job as I was before. Although I did not actively look for other opportunities, I started responding to invitations to job interviews from employers. It wasn’t until August 2014 when, after reaching out to a LinkedIn contact and going to two interviews, I got an offer for the account management position at a startup company.

Achieving and living the dream

I finally did it. I finally achieved the first step towards my dream, and I was on my way to the top. Because it was a startup company and I was one of the pioneer employees, I thought that I had the chance to climb the corporate ladder faster than I expected. My inspiration was our own CEO who is only in his late 20s.

On the first few months, I lived my dream. I was out and about meeting with our partners, my phone glued to my hand because of the nonstop calls and messages, and my inbox filled with new work-related emails each day. I loved it. I relished the attention by both my boss, my colleagues, and our partners. I felt wanted. I felt valued. I felt important.

However, you must know that I am an introvert, and it is common knowledge that introverts get overwhelmed when thrusted into too much social interaction, which was what happened to me. While I do enjoy meeting people and get excited when I receive a call or message, I also needed a lot of time alone to recuperate. Unfortunately, my job took this away from me. I kept getting phone calls and messages as early as 6 AM and sometimes until midnight. My weekends and holidays were ruined by more phone calls and Skype messages. Heck, I even had to make some more calls on Christmas Day while I was on a road trip with my family.

When I got back from our Christmas break, I was exhausted. I started to dread Mondays, to the point that I get panic attacks the night before. I started to get tired of hearing my phone ring. I started to get annoyed having to go through 50+ emails every morning and getting more messages the more I reply.

My sad epiphany

After working in the startup for almost 5 months, I quit. I do not want to constantly think about work. I do not want to answer calls early in the morning. I do not want to be an account manager anymore or be at the top of the corporate ladder. After obsessing on my dream career for so many years, I realized I don’t really want it that much.

Now I’m back to square one.

NEW Motivation Monday: Challenge your doubting self–and win

Photo taken from Unsplash.

My dad smokes one pack of cigarettes a day and drinks at least 3 bottles of beer every night, sometimes an additional glass or two of scotch during the weekend. Given his job and status among his peers, he attends a lot of social functions (hello food and alcohol) and receives a lot of gifts (which most of the time are food, cigars, and alcohol) from his boss, colleagues and friends, and people who want to gain his favor. Just knowing these facts about my dad, what is your impression of him? Unhealthy? Sickly? Neglectful of his body?

While I do agree that he has to quit his vices, I do admire how he tries to make up for it. You see, my dad maintains his weight–and he does it well. When he notices that he is a little overweight, he will immediately cut his food portions and he will put on his running shoes in the morning to jog several kilometers. Sometimes, he will even go back home, get on his bicycle and go around several more kilometers–all these in one morning before he heads to work. Then one week later, poof! He’s back to his ideal weight. My dad doesn’t just do this when he puts on a few pounds. He also gets back on track (literally) when he feels weak or easily tired.

But what sticks to me about my dad’s fitness non-routine is what he says–mostly to me, his lazy-ass daughter–when he gets home after his morning workout.

I beat myself. When I woke up this morning I thought I can’t run [or bike], but I just did and I proved to myself I can do it.

Wonderful, isn’t it? Somebody said that we are our own worst critic. For most of us, we are our own worst heckler, too. But what should you do if a part of you is saying you can’t do something–whether it’s to lose weight, or craft something, or lead your own team? Should you listen to him/her, or should you prove them wrong?

I hope you choose the latter option.

The Sins I Have and Haven’t Committed

"Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto." - David SedarisI just had a bad week. I fell short on my two main commitments: blogging and weight loss. Not only did I only work out twice this week instead of my minimum target of 3, I also over-ate for a few days. And then, AND THEN, I was not able to finish what I was originally publishing for today, which was the second part to last week’s post. I have tried to write it since last Monday, but I don’t know…I think I’m losing my drive again. And I’m so scared of this because if I fall I don’t know how long before I get the courage to get back up. I don’t want to fall. I don’t want to have to start over and over and over.

I’m not entirely sure how the image above (with a quote I received from Goodreads‘ newsletter) relates to what I’m writing now, because I definitely have committed a lot of “sins” this week. This picture was also supposed to be in the post I was planning to publish today because (Spoiler alert!) it ties together what I have wanted to say for weeks now.

But anyway, I hope that you have had no regrets this week–that you have no “sins” that you wish you committed. But if you have any regrets, learn to forgive yourself. That’s what I’m doing. Tomorrow, Sunday, is a new day and the start of a new week. Tomorrow I will continue what I started–Week 1, Day 3 of my C25K challenge, my diet, and keeping this blog active–and at the same time starting over with a new determination. I hope you will do the same.

What I Wanted To Be When I Grow Up vs. What I Am Now That I Have Grown Up

When I was a kid, I never thought much of the future–of my future. For 5-year-old me that was just a dream, something I did not want to deal with until it was actually there. Sometimes, I thought about what I would do when I grow up, but it was more as an angry reaction to my parents when they didn’t want to give me what I want, such as:

“When I grow up, I will buy all the toys I want!”

“When I grow up and live on my own, I will never eat vegetables, and I will eat all the chocolates and ice cream I please!”

“When I grow up, I will go to the mall every day!”

But when I was asked what I want to be when I grow up, I was stumped. 20 years was too far away for me to think about. I could not even imagine what I would be like when I turn 8 years old, much less what I would be like when I am 25.

What do you expect to hear when you ask a 5-year-old what they want to be in the future?

Continue reading